A house Part One

I'm living in a house. A house that is filled with selfishness. A house that two people do not get along. A house that makes you say "F it, I rather stay in a homeless shelter". A house that has been standing more than 30 years now. That is filled with amazing memories... and terrible ones. A house that I wouldn't want to ever come back to. Just because I been in this house for 20+ years now. Also, as long as "she" is living in this house, I REALLY wouldn't EVER want to come back.

I'm living in a house that is filled with regret. In this house, I treated my grandmother bad when I was a child. Right here in this room I'm in now... I told my grandmother I wished she would die. About 10 feet away in my bedroom, I would cry... I would bury my face into my pillow and scream how much I hated her. Ha. (Shaking My Head) I was saying that to a woman that basically took care of my butt when "she" wasn't in this house to do it for me. I hate this house because as long as I am here, those words always seem to reply in the back of my head. When "she" wanted to go out shopping and club hopping, this wonderful woman took care of me, made sure I ate morning, afternoon and night, got me ready for school and was always there with the front door open waiting for me to get off the bus. In this house, I had the NERVES to disrespect this amazing woman... that I will never see again. Its to late to say sorry, she is gone now, But if her soul still lingers around this house... if she is looking down on me, she would know that I am sorry and I know that she forgives me 

I'm broken but stronger because I'm learning.

I live in a house, where I suffer mega tail whooping's from both "her" and my grandmother. "Her's" were more brutal than my grandmother (Smiling). I GUESS I can say those whooping's worked. Whatever I did wrong, I didn't never do it again!! 

I was broken but stronger because I learned.

I live in a house, that we almost lost. Watching "her" scrambling up money to pay off taxes (I guess?) that was in debt from when my grandmother past away. At that time I didn't really know what was going on. I just know that it was something bad because "she" was gone all day and all night trying to come up with the money... and "she" did! That's what single moms... go threw. 

I was confused but now smarter because I watched and learned.

I live in a house... That needs more than one post.. Trust me it doesn't stop here... This house holds a lot of memories and pain... for me at least. How can a house become your whole entire life??